Statement #1: I usually make sound financial decisions.
Supporting Evidence: I contribute regularly to my Roth 401K, and I invest in value stocks. Last year my portfolio increased 35%!
Statement #2: I am good at math.
Supporting Evidence: I was in Math Olympiad as a kid, a program so exclusive that students "must earn a scaled score of 719 or higher on the New York State Math Assessment test (taken in the spring of Grade 5)". The lessons I learned about math, love, and most importantly, life, stay with me to this day.
Statement #3: I am a fucking idiot.
Supporting Evidence: .....
My sister Erin learned yesterday that she has been accepted to coach lacrosse in England next year at a private school. Big it up girl! Upon hearing the news, I called home to congratulate her and immediately began planning my trip to Europe. I've never been there before, and now I have a perfect excuse to take a long vacation to explore some cool countries.
I was talking to my Dad regarding convenient scheduling and candidly mentioned that I'm going back to Las Vegas in September. He flipped out; that statement alone may have taken 4 years off his life. Not to get into details, but some highlights of last year's trip are:
-Buying a sweet Tag Heuer watch
-Calling waitresses "Honey" with confidence for the first time in my life
-Meeting big girls (see picture, which has been carefully doctored to conceal my true identity)
The only downside of the trip was that I spent a fair portion of my annual income at the tables and on "entertainment" (I'll leave that open to your imagination).
The money lost was a big hit on my wallet. I sold some stock and managed to get back on my feet. My Dad was incredibly disappointed in me when I told him. His paternal instinct to worry kicked in and he even suggested I seek help for a gambling problem.
This all being said, he considered my decision to go back to Vegas incredibly foolish. Fearing the worst, following our conversation, he wrote me this email:
Hey Stu Unger,
I got a deal for you. If you promise me that you will not go to Las Vegas I will give you $1,000 for your trip to Europe.
Going to Vegas would be a terrible mistake for you to make.
Let me know.
Upon reading this I considered the opportunity cost of going to Las Vegas. Keep in mind that the gambling expenses used below are based on the assumption of a 5% house advantage, $25 average bet, 80 bets per hour, and 25 total hours of gambling:
$1000 - Money could have received from Dad
$750 - Flight & Room
$2500 - Gambling [(25*80*25)*.05]
$750 - "Entertainment"
Total - $5000
If statement #1 carried any weight in my deliberations, I would take the offer in a heartbeat...What's that Howie? You need an answer? (Pause 20 seconds, anxiously holding head in hands) Confidently proclaim "NO DEAL!"
And thus I give you supporting evidence that I am a fucking idiot.
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